A first thesis statement is often only a starting sketch, not the final design of your opinion editorial. Today, you will learn how to sharpen that sentence so it clearly states your claim about a global issue and guides your reasons and evidence. You will test your thesis against your audience, purpose, and scope, then revise it step by step. By the end of the lesson, your revised thesis will be focused, arguable, and ready to anchor your editorial.
🎯 Learning Goals
By the end of the lesson, you will be able to:
- Evaluate an existing thesis statement on a global issue using a checklist for clarity, specificity, and arguability.
- Revise at least three draft thesis statements so they clearly name the issue, target group, and action or stance.
- Match your revised thesis to at least two planned reasons and one SDG connection to ensure focus and coherence.
🧩 Key Ideas & Terms
- Draft thesis – an early version of a thesis statement that you expect to improve.
- Revised thesis – an improved thesis that has been checked and edited for clarity and focus.
- Audience – the people you are trying to reach with your editorial (for example, parents, youth, local officials).
- Purpose – the main reason you are writing (for example, to persuade, to call to action, to raise awareness).
- Scope – the size of the issue you promise to cover in your editorial.
- Criteria – standards or questions you use to judge the quality of something.
- Alignment – how well your thesis, reasons, and evidence fit together.
- Refinement – making small but powerful changes to improve precision and impact.
- Target group – the people most affected by the issue you are writing about.
- Global framing – connecting a local example of an issue to a wider global context or SDG.
🔄 Quick Recall / Prior Knowledge
Use yesterday’s learning to refresh your understanding before we begin revising.
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Write the thesis statement you chose or drafted at the end of Day 1.
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Your answer will be your own sentence. It should state your opinion on a global issue and hint at the action or change you want to see.
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Name two features of a strong thesis that you learned yesterday.
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Possible answers: it is specific; it is arguable; it is manageable in scope; it clearly states who should act and what they should do; it uses respectful, reader-friendly language.
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Explain in one or two sentences why a weak thesis makes the whole editorial harder to write.
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A weak thesis gives no clear direction, so it is difficult to choose reasons, select evidence, or decide what to include and what to leave out. The whole text can become disorganized or repetitive.
📖 Explore the Lesson
Work through each checkpoint carefully. Use your notebook to try the tasks before opening the suggested answers.
Checkpoint 1: Looking Honestly at Your Draft Thesis
Mini-goal: Take a clear, honest look at your current thesis statement.
Writers often feel attached to their first thesis because it took effort to create. However, a first thesis is usually just a starting point, not a finished product. Today you will treat your thesis like a draft drawing that still needs lines erased, shapes adjusted, and details added.
Copy your thesis neatly in your notebook. Under it, write short notes answering three questions: “What exactly is my issue?” “Who is my main target group?” and “What action or change am I arguing for?” If you cannot answer one of these clearly, your thesis may still be too vague.
Next, think about your audience. Are you writing mainly to classmates, parents, teachers, community leaders, or government officials? Different audiences need different levels of formality and detail. A thesis aimed at classmates might use simpler vocabulary and focus on everyday school experiences. A thesis aimed at decision-makers might use more formal language and highlight responsibilities or policies.
Finally, write one or two sentences describing your purpose. Are you trying to convince leaders to change a rule, encourage students to join a campaign, or draw attention to a neglected global issue? A clear purpose will help you decide if your thesis truly points in the right direction.
Mini-summary: Treat your thesis as a draft. Clarify the issue, target group, audience, and purpose so you know exactly what you are trying to say before you revise words.
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Could a stranger reading only your thesis know what issue you are writing about?
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If not, you probably need to name the issue more clearly (for example, “digital inequality in rural schools” instead of “problems in education”).
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Does your thesis already show who your target group is, or is that still missing?
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If your thesis says only “people” or “they,” it likely needs a more specific group such as “rural learners,” “low-income families,” or “refugee children.”
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Is your purpose mainly to persuade, to inform, or to call to action? How do you know?
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In an opinion editorial, your purpose should include persuasion and often a call to action. If your thesis only informs and suggests no change, it may need strengthening.
Checkpoint 2: Testing Your Thesis with Clear Criteria
Mini-goal: Use a checklist of criteria to judge the strength of a thesis.
Professional writers rarely rely only on “I like it” or “It sounds good” to decide whether a thesis is strong. They use specific criteria. Yesterday you created a checklist; today you will apply it more strictly to your own sentence and sample sentences.
In your notebook, copy this short checklist or adapt your own:
- 1. States a clear opinion, not just a topic or fact.
- 2. Names the issue and target group clearly.
- 3. Suggests a specific action, solution, or stance.
- 4. Is arguable (someone could reasonably disagree).
- 5. Has a realistic scope for one editorial.
- 6. Uses respectful, reader-friendly language.
Now test your thesis. Place a ✔ or ✘ next to each item. Be honest; this is not a grade, it is information to help you revise. A thesis that earns four or fewer check marks definitely needs work. Even a strong thesis can usually be improved in one area (for example, more specific target group, or clearer link to an SDG).
Then, test two more sample theses about global issues that you invent or borrow from Day 1. Comparing your thesis with others helps you see its strengths and weaknesses more clearly. When you are ready, choose one main area to improve first. It is easier to focus on one change at a time than to fix everything at once.
Mini-summary: A simple checklist gives you a fair way to judge whether a thesis is clear, specific, arguable, realistic in scope, and respectful.
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Which checklist item did your thesis fail or struggle with the most?
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Common challenges are items 2 (clear target group), 3 (specific action), and 5 (scope). Recognising your main weakness helps you focus your revision.
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Did any sample thesis from Day 1 score higher than yours? What made it stronger?
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Strong samples usually name a place, a group, and an action clearly and use verbs like “must,” “should,” or “need to” instead of vague phrases like “people should care.”
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Which single item on the checklist will you focus on improving first, and why?
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A thoughtful answer might be: “I will focus on item 3 because my thesis does not yet say what should actually happen, only that the issue is important.”
Checkpoint 3: Narrowing Scope and Adding Precision
Mini-goal: Practise narrowing an over-broad thesis and making it more precise.
One of the biggest problems in student theses is that they try to cover the whole world at once. “We must stop inequality everywhere” sounds passionate but is impossible to handle in one page. Revising means deciding which specific part of the global issue you will highlight so that your reasons and evidence can go deeper instead of only touching the surface.
Take a broad thesis such as “Climate change must be stopped” or “Children should have better education.” Ask three narrowing questions in your notebook: “Where exactly?” “Which group?” and “What part of the problem?” For education, you might focus on “rural secondary schools,” “refugee learners,” or “digital access.” For climate change, you might focus on “communities facing floods,” “farmers facing droughts,” or “coastal towns at risk.”
Rewrite the thesis using your answers. For example, “To reduce learning gaps, our government must provide stable internet and training for teachers in rural junior high schools” is narrower than “Students should have better access to online learning.” It still connects to global issues like inequality and the SDGs, but it gives you a realistic space to think and argue.
Precision also comes from strong nouns and verbs. Replace “things,” “stuff,” or “help” with words that name what you mean: “scholarships,” “transport,” “health care,” “training,” “support programmes.” Replace weak verbs like “get” or “do” with more exact verbs such as “provide,” “fund,” “protect,” or “enforce.”
Mini-summary: Narrowing your thesis by place, group, and part of the problem, and replacing vague words with precise ones, makes your thesis clearer and more powerful.
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In your own thesis, which word or phrase still feels too broad or vague?
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Common vague phrases include “people,” “better life,” “things,” or “help them more.” These should be replaced with specific groups, outcomes, or actions.
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How did narrowing the place or group change the feeling of your thesis?
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Most students notice that a narrowed thesis feels more real and manageable, and they can imagine actual examples and policies connected to it.
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List two weak verbs from your thesis and two stronger verbs you could use instead.
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Example: change “do more for students” to “provide scholarships” or “improve school transport.” Changing verbs is a quick way to add precision.
Checkpoint 4: Aligning Thesis with Reasons and SDG Links
Mini-goal: Check that your thesis fits your planned reasons and SDG connections.
Yesterday, you practised matching reasons and evidence to a thesis. Today, you will reverse the process: use your planned reasons to adjust the thesis. Good alignment means that anyone reading your thesis could make a good guess about what your body paragraphs will discuss.
In your notebook, list the two or three main reasons you think you will use in your editorial. They might be “unsafe school journeys,” “lack of teachers and materials,” or “unfair digital access.” Next to each reason, note which Sustainable Development Goal it connects to most strongly—often SDG 10, SDG 16, or another related goal like SDG 4 (Quality Education).
Now re-read your thesis. Does it clearly hint at those reasons? For example, if your reasons focus on transport and safety, but your thesis only mentions “education,” you might revise it to include “safe routes” or “school transport.” If your reasons include peace and justice, you could add a direct reference to SDG 16.
Sometimes you will realise that one reason does not truly fit. You may either drop that reason or adjust the thesis to include it. The goal is not to squeeze everything into one sentence but to make sure that the thesis and reasons are telling the same story from start to finish.
Mini-summary: A revised thesis should match your planned reasons and SDG connections, so that your whole editorial feels coherent and honest about what it will cover.
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Write one of your reasons. Does your current thesis clearly point toward this reason?
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If the connection is weak or invisible, you may need to add a key phrase to your thesis (for example, “safe school transport” or “fair digital access”).
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Are you trying to include too many different reasons for one short editorial?
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If you have more than three big reasons, or reasons that feel unrelated, you might need to choose the two or three strongest and adjust the thesis accordingly.
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How did you mention, or plan to mention, SDG 10 or SDG 16 within or near your thesis?
Show Answer
You might include a phrase such as “to support SDG 10 on reduced inequalities” or “to help build the peaceful, just societies promised in SDG 16.”
Checkpoint 5: Adjusting Tone and Audience Awareness
Mini-goal: Revise your thesis so it uses a tone that fits your target audience.
A thesis is not only about facts and ideas; it is also about voice and tone. Voice is how you sound as a writer; tone is your attitude toward the issue and your readers. A good thesis for an opinion editorial on global issues usually sounds respectful, determined, and hopeful. Your readers should feel that you are serious but not rude or hopeless.
Look closely at the words in your thesis. Do any of them sound insulting, exaggerated, or too emotional? Phrases like “only stupid people” or “everyone who disagrees is evil” may express strong feelings, but they close readers’ minds. On the other hand, very soft phrases like “maybe we should think about possibly doing something” sound weak and unsure. Revising tone means finding balanced language: firm but fair.
Think again about your audience. If you are addressing government officials, your thesis might use formal verbs like “must enforce” or “should allocate.” If you are speaking mainly to classmates, you might keep the vocabulary a little simpler while still sounding serious. You want readers to feel invited into a conversation, not attacked or confused.
Rewrite your thesis once more, paying special attention to tone. You may change only two or three words, but those small changes can make a big difference in how the sentence feels and how readers respond.
Mini-summary: Revising tone means choosing words that are firm but respectful, matching your thesis to your audience and keeping readers open to your ideas.
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Which word or phrase in your thesis might sound too harsh or too weak to your audience?
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Examples of harsh words: “stupid,” “lazy,” “evil.” Examples of weak phrases: “kind of,” “maybe we should,” “it would be nice if.” These often need replacing.
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How can you show determination in your thesis without insulting anyone?
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You can use strong verbs like “must,” “should,” and “need to,” and focus on actions and systems rather than attacking people personally.
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If your main audience is community leaders, what small change could you make to sound more respectful and formal?
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You might avoid slang, use full forms instead of contractions, and mention leaders with respectful titles such as “local officials,” “school administrators,” or “council members.”
Checkpoint 6: Producing Your Revised Thesis for Week 7
Mini-goal: Create a final revised thesis that you are ready to use in your editorial.
It is time to bring all your thinking together. Turn to a fresh page in your notebook and title it “My Revised Thesis for Week 7.” Beneath the title, write the latest version of your thesis in your best handwriting or neatest digital text. This is the sentence you will carry into later lessons when you gather evidence and begin drafting.
Under your thesis, copy your checklist and quickly test it again. Aim to give yourself a check mark on each item. If you still cannot check one or two boxes, write a short note describing how you plan to improve that area as you continue learning. Remember, even published writers keep revising; the important thing is that your thesis is now much stronger than your first attempt.
Next, on the same page or the next one, list your main reasons as bullet points. Make sure each bullet clearly supports the thesis. Draw arrows between the thesis and reasons if that helps you see the connections. You are building the bridge between a strong sentence and a strong whole editorial.
Finally, read your thesis aloud one more time. Ask yourself, “If someone only saw this sentence, would they understand my main message and feel curious to read more?” If your answer is yes, smile—you have done the core revision work for today.
Mini-summary: By the end of this checkpoint, you should have a revised thesis that passes your checklist and connects clearly to your reasons and global goals.
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Which change from your first draft to your final thesis do you feel most proud of?
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Many learners feel proud of making their thesis more specific (for example, naming a place or group) or adding a clear action linked to an SDG.
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How do your listed reasons show that your thesis is now realistic for one editorial?
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If you have two or three clear, related reasons, your thesis is likely manageable. If you still have many unrelated reasons, you may need to narrow your focus again.
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When you read your thesis aloud, what feeling do you get about your own writing?
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Students often report feeling more confident and organised because they know exactly what their editorial is about and what they want readers to do or think.
💡 Example in Action
Study these pairs of draft and revised thesis statements. Notice how the changes improve clarity, scope, and arguability.
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Example 1
Draft: “Global inequality is very bad and must end.”
Task: Revise for specificity and action.Show Answer
Revised: “To reduce global inequality, our government must invest more in rural secondary schools so that learners from low-income families have the same chances as wealthy students.”
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Example 2
Draft: “Climate change hurts poor people.”
Task: Revise to name a place, group, and response.Show Answer
Revised: “Because climate change brings stronger floods to coastal communities, national leaders must create emergency housing plans and fund sea walls to protect low-income families.”
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Example 3
Draft: “Online learning is difficult.”
Task: Revise to become an arguable thesis linked to inequality.Show Answer
Revised: “School districts must provide shared devices and free data bundles for students from low-income households so that online learning does not increase educational inequality.”
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Example 4
Draft: “I think leaders should care about refugees more.”
Task: Revise to remove weak language and add SDG connection.Show Answer
Revised: “To support SDG 16 on peace and justice, governments must give refugee children access to language-support classes and flexible schooling so they can rebuild their lives safely.”
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Example 5
Draft: “Child labor is a problem in many places.”
Task: Revise to create a clear, manageable stance.Show Answer
Revised: “Local authorities must strictly enforce child-labor laws in small factories and markets, while providing financial support to families, so that children can attend school instead of working.”
📝 Try It Out
Practise revising thesis statements. Do the tasks in your notebook, then compare with the sample answers.
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Rewrite your own thesis from Day 1 to make the issue and target group more specific.
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Your revision should move from general terms like “students” or “people” to a clearer group such as “rural junior high learners,” “girls in conflict areas,” or “migrant workers’ children.”
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Take this draft thesis and add a clear action: “Many young people do not feel safe in their communities.”
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Sample: “Local councils must improve street lighting and create youth-support programmes so that young people feel safe in their communities.”
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Strengthen the tone of this thesis by removing weak language: “Maybe the government could think about increasing the budget for rural schools.”
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Sample: “The government must increase the budget for rural schools so that learners there receive the same quality of education as learners in cities.”
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Revise this over-broad thesis so it has a manageable scope: “The world must solve all problems of poverty.”
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Sample: “City leaders must create job-training programmes for unemployed youth in low-income neighbourhoods to break one cycle of urban poverty.”
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Write a thesis that links your chosen issue to SDG 10 using the phrase “to support SDG 10.”
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Sample: “To support SDG 10 on reduced inequalities, our government must provide disability-friendly ramps and learning materials in all public schools.”
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Write a thesis that links your issue to SDG 16 using the phrase “to build more peaceful and just societies.”
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Sample: “To build more peaceful and just societies, police and community leaders must report and punish cases of discrimination against minority groups.”
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Choose one of your revised theses and underline the action verb. Explain why it is stronger than a verb like “get” or “do.”
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For example, “provide scholarships” is stronger than “do something to help students” because it names exactly what should happen.
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Change the audience of a thesis from “students” to “government officials” and adjust the wording to sound more formal.
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Sample: “Students should care more about the environment” could become “Government officials must enforce environmental laws and support youth-led clean-up projects in public spaces.”
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Write two reasons that could support one of your revised theses.
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Your reasons should clearly connect to the action in your thesis. For example, if your thesis is about transport, reasons might focus on safety and attendance.
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Copy your favourite revised thesis on a new page and label it “Working Thesis.” Add a note about one more improvement you might make later.
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Your note might say, “Later, I may add a more exact place name,” or “I want to include the year of the SDG deadline to increase urgency.”
✅ Check Yourself
Use this self-check to see how well you can evaluate and revise thesis statements.
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Multiple-choice: Which sentence is the strongest thesis for an editorial?
a) “Poverty is bad.”
b) “Many people are poor and that is sad.”
c) “Local governments must create scholarship and school-meal programmes so that children from low-income families can stay in school.”
d) “I think something should be done about poverty.”Show Answer
The best answer is c) because it names who should act, what they should do, and for whom.
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Short answer: Why is “Global warming is a serious problem” not enough for a strong thesis?
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It is mostly a fact and does not say what should change, who is responsible, or what specific part of the problem the editorial will focus on.
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Multiple-choice: Which change is an example of narrowing scope?
a) “Inequality is a problem” → “All inequality everywhere must end.”
b) “Inequality is a problem” → “Rural girls in our province need safe transport to secondary school.”
c) “Climate change is bad” → “Climate change affects the whole world.”
d) “Schools are important” → “Schools are very, very important.”Show Answer
The correct answer is b).
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Short answer: Give one question you can ask yourself to check if your thesis is arguable.
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You might ask, “Could a reasonable person disagree with this statement?” If yes, it is probably arguable.
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Multiple-choice: Which word in this thesis makes the tone weak? “Maybe our leaders could try to think about improving internet access.”
a) leaders
b) internet
c) maybe
d) improvingShow Answer
The weak word is c) maybe.
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Short answer: Rewrite that thesis to sound more determined but still respectful.
Show Answer
Sample: “Our leaders must improve internet access so that all students can participate in online learning.”
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Multiple-choice: Which thesis best connects to SDG 16?
a) “Students should drink more water.”
b) “Schools must teach more languages.”
c) “Local courts must treat all citizens fairly, no matter their background, to build trust and peace.”
d) “We should all read more books.”Show Answer
The correct answer is c).
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Short answer: Why is it helpful to match your thesis with your main reasons before drafting?
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Because it ensures that your body paragraphs will support your thesis instead of wandering off to unrelated ideas, making your editorial clearer and more convincing.
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Multiple-choice: Which revision improves tone for an audience of government officials?
a) “Our leaders are lazy and don’t care about us.”
b) “Our leaders must wake up and stop being so blind.”
c) “Our leaders must listen carefully to the communities affected by inequality and act quickly to support them.”
d) “Our leaders are terrible and must be forced to resign.”Show Answer
The best answer is c).
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Short answer: What is one sign that your thesis is still too broad?
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If you feel you need more than three strong reasons to cover everything, or if your reasons seem unrelated, your thesis is probably too broad.
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Multiple-choice: Which checklist item is not necessary for a strong thesis?
a) It is written in one clear sentence.
b) It includes every single detail and example.
c) It states a clear opinion.
d) It uses respectful language.Show Answer
The correct answer is b); details belong in body paragraphs, not inside the thesis.
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Short answer: Why should you sometimes read your thesis aloud when revising?
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Reading aloud helps you hear if the sentence is too long, confusing, or awkward, and whether the tone sounds right for your audience.
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Multiple-choice: Which pair shows good alignment between thesis and reason?
a) Thesis: “Schools need better libraries.” Reason: “Phones are fun.”
b) Thesis: “Cities should protect rivers from pollution.” Reason: “Factories should clean their waste before releasing it into rivers.”
c) Thesis: “We must stop all problems.” Reason: “Some people like sports.”
d) Thesis: “I enjoy music.” Reason: “The weather is hot.”Show Answer
The aligned pair is b).
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Short answer: Write one thing you now know about revising a thesis that you did not know before today.
Show Answer
Answers will vary. A strong response might mention narrowing scope, matching reasons, adjusting tone, or using a checklist.
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Reflection check: In one or two sentences, explain how your revised thesis is stronger than your original draft.
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Sample: “My revised thesis is stronger because it names a specific group, a clear action, and links to SDG 10, so I know exactly what my editorial will argue.”
🚀 Go Further
Use these optional activities to deepen your skill in revising thesis statements. Teachers can also use them as extension tasks.
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Collect three opinion headlines from newspapers or online and rewrite each as a clear thesis with a specific action.
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Teacher guidance: Encourage learners to turn vague or dramatic headlines into arguable sentences that name who should act, what they should do, and which group is affected.
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Find a paragraph from a previous assignment and write a thesis that could serve as its “missing” main idea.
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Teacher guidance: Have learners check whether each sentence in the paragraph supports the new thesis. If not, they can revise or remove sentences to improve coherence.
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Create a “Thesis Clinic” with a partner where you exchange theses and give each other one suggestion using the checklist.
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Teacher guidance: Provide sentence starters like “Your thesis is clear because…” and “You could make it stronger by…” to support constructive feedback.
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Choose one global issue and write three different theses for three different audiences (students, parents, leaders).
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Teacher guidance: Ask learners to discuss how the tone, level of detail, and vocabulary change depending on the audience.
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Start a “before and after” page in your notebook where you store pairs of draft and revised theses to remind yourself how revision improves your writing.
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Teacher guidance: Use this page later in the term to show growth in learners’ ability to craft strong thesis statements.
🔗 My Reflection
Notebook task: In 6–8 sentences, reflect on how your thesis changed during this lesson.
- What did your first thesis look or sound like, and what does the revised version look like now?
- Which revision step (narrowing, matching reasons, or adjusting tone) helped you the most, and why?
- How do you think this stronger thesis will help you when you start gathering evidence and drafting your opinion editorial?
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